The Best Kind
by Jomatto
Summary: Sora and Riku have a conversation about the intricacies of married life.


**The Best Kind**

Sora was at 7th Heaven, his favorite bar, sipping on a seven and seven.

Even though his best friend, Riku, had invited him, the idiot was nowhere to be found. The evening had become a waste. He pulled out his cell phone and found a message from his wife, Kairi.

"_Got a surprise waiting for you_," he read quietly.

"I see you smiling," Tifa, the beautiful bartender, teased. "Something good happen?"

He looked up, trying to suppress his smile, but failed miserably. "Apparently, I have a surprise waiting for me."

"Tell me about it next time." She looked at his glass, which was half-empty. "Can I get you another?"

He checked his cell phone again. It had been forty-five minutes. To hell with it. "Sure." It was going to be his third, but if this kept up, he might actually reach his seventh.

"Coming right up."

As he waited for his drink to arrive, he murdered Riku repeatedly in his mind. Riku always did this—always. He only got away with it because he had the looks, the charm, and confidence to pull it off—he was the quintessential ladies man. A hand suddenly gripped his shoulder.

"How do you fuck your wife, Sora?"

It took every ounce of strength to keep from spraying the beautiful bartender who had just arrived with his new drink. Sora swallowed quickly, scorching his throat, and turned to face the offender. "Christ, Riku! What the hell kind of question is that?"

Riku, having just arrived, shrugged it off. "I only ask because you and Kairi are the happiest couple I know. Gotta be a reason for that, and I'm thinking that reason is probably in bed." He glanced over at Tifa. "Can I get a White Russian?"

"You got it."

Sora wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "I fail to see what that has anything to do with...anything."

Riku took a seat and wrapped an arm around his friend, shaking him enthusiastically. "It has everything to do with everything!"

Sora's drink splashed all over the counter. "Calm down. You call me out and you're the one that's late. Care to tell me what this is about?"

"Sure, but you never answered my question."

"I'm not answering." How they made love was no one's business but their own. He and Kairi had been married for three wonderful years. Their marriage was a happy one, a story book one, a rare one, the best one, and the envy of everyone. And key to their success was not blabbing about their bedroom exploits.

"Don't hold out on me. Most people believe that once you get married, it's the end of your sexual adventures. I beg to differ." Great, Riku was trying to philosophize, and about sex of all things. "You ever check out amateur porn?"

Sora did. Well, they both did—he and Kairi—but he wasn't going to reveal that. "What's your point?"

"That's the best kind of porn, and you know who's making that shit? Married couples. And from what I've seen, they've got no inhibitions. Everything's fair game. I bet married fucking is the best kind of fucking."

"You're shameless, you know that?" Sora hoped no one else was listening in on their conversation. People might get the wrong idea since he was a regular.

"It makes total sense when you think about it. Here is the girl you will spend the rest of your life with and you have all the time in the world to experiment and push the boundaries. I meet a girl for the first time, I don't know if she's willing to blow me or take it up the ass or whatever. But once you meet one that's willing to go the extra mile, that's when you know, you've found a keeper."

Sora stared suspiciously. "Are you trying to imply something?"

"Hey, if anything, it's a compliment."

"I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear that, coming from you."

"Here you go," Tifa said, placing a drink before Riku.

"Thank you." He downed half of it in one go. "Whoo! Can I get a second one on the way?"

"Sure thing."

"You should pace yourself," Sora warned.

"Nah man, I'm good. So tell me more about you and Kairi."

"I didn't tell you anything to begin with."

"Sure you did. You told me she blows you all the time." Sora decided it was best to stop drinking whenever Riku was about to say something; he was liable to spit it out.

"No, I didn't."

"Man, don't be a little bitch. You don't have to be embarrassed. We're both adults here." That was debatable. "I bet you've got all sorts of toys and tools under the bed. Handcuffs, ropes, and what's that thing called? Oh yeah, a pommel horse."

"What? Why would I have a pommel horse?"

"You tell me." Sora shook his head tiredly. Riku had a one-track mind. It was understandable. He was a handsome man and handsome men were often privy to experiences Sora could only dream of. He didn't care though, he had Kairi.

"What is this really about? If anything, I should be the one asking you questions. Don't you sleep with a new girl every week?"

"Straight to the point. You gotta have a little more fun."

"If I wanted to have fun, I'd be home right now."

Riku smirked. "You see? I knew you couldn't hide it for long. You probably roleplay with costumes and all that shit."

"The point, Riku. Don't miss it."

"Okay, fine." He finished off his drink, which was quickly replaced by Tifa. "I found her. I found the one."

"The one? The one what?"

"The one! The girl I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with!"

Sora didn't think it was possible and until he saw proof, it remained fantasy. "That's a good one. I almost believed it for a second."

"I'm fucking serious. Look at this." Riku showed off his phone, which had a wallpaper of him and his new girl, a cutie with short dark hair. Riku never had wallpapers of him and a girl together. He was telling the truth.

"Holy shit. You've found the one."

"That's what I've been telling you!" They started laughing like crazy bastards because the news was just that amazing. The only proper response was jubilant glee and infectious enthusiasm. The entire bar was gawking.

"Congratulations, man."

"Thanks. Her name's Xion and she's the most perfect girl I've ever met. She's cute, funny, and fucking smart. It's weird; it's like we're connected, mentally, you know? She always seems to know what I'm thinking. We fit together like a glove." His face suddenly turned serious. "It's just… everything would've been perfect if not for one small little detail."

Here came the punch line. "And what's that?"

"She's terrible in bed." What. The. Hell? That was HILARIOUS. Sora threw his head back, howling like a hyena high on helium. Riku, red-faced, kept shaking his friend to stop. "Can you quit that? Everybody's staring."

"I'm sorry, it's just—shit, Riku. Oh my god. That's perfect, that's perfect for you."

"That's not cool, man. No one deserves that."

Sora settled down, wiping away tears of merriment. "Like, how is she terrible?"

"I don't know. It's crazy. It's not just one time either. I mean, I tried, I really tried, and it's like pulling teeth. She just lays there and expects me to do everything. She doesn't even seem to enjoy it. It's a total boner-killer."

"Maybe you're not as good as you thought?"

"Fuck you."

Another giggle escaped. "That is funny."

"It's not funny." It _was_ funny, because Tifa was behind the bar, stifling her laughter, as did the entire bar—not that Riku was paying attention.

"If everything else about her is perfect, is that really a deal breaker?" Sora asked.

"That's why I'm talking to you about it. I mean, it's a skill, right? You can become better if you practice enough." It was a desperate question that demanded desperate answers.

"Maybe she's inexperienced."

"Hey, if I was her first, at least she'd have an excuse, but I'm beginning to think that's the way she is. Believe me, it's not a one-time thing. "

"Well, you have my sympathy."

He didn't.

Riku wiped his face with both hands, sighing heavily. "At least tell me this much, is it still good after marriage? It's not boring or stale? Give me some hope."

Sora set his glass down and crossed his arms, contemplating the question very seriously. "I'll just say this: when you love somebody—and I mean, truly love somebody—nothing else matters."

Riku was awed by the answer. "You bitch. You totally avoided my question."

"I did, didn't I?"

"Fine, guess I'll ask my mom and dad about it."

"That, I would like to see." Sora watched his friend swallow his second drink in a single gulp. He patted him on the back. "Cheer up. It can only get better, right?"

In hindsight, it was an exceptional evening. Sora tried his best to console his friend but his efforts were undermined by his persistent giggling. Fed up, Riku declared it a night and they parted ways. Sora returned home to a dark house. It was late, slightly past midnight. He entered the bedroom and noticed the bathroom light was on.

"Honey? I'm back."

The bathroom door opened and Kairi poked her head out, a toothbrush stuffed in her mouth. "Did you two have a nice time?"

Sora fell on the bed and started unbuttoning his shirt. "Yeah. He found the one. Can you believe it?"

"The actual one?" Sora nodded. "Wow. That's...kind of amazing."

"I know, right?"

"Good for him." She disappeared behind the door and after a couple minutes, reemerged in a bathrobe. "Putting that aside…" She positioned herself next to the closet. "Guess what arrived today?"

"Surprise me."

She opened it. "Ta-da!"

It was a pommel horse.

Sora belted out laughing. Of all things it could've been— "What the hell are we supposed to do with that?"

"That's what we're here to find out."

Sora's grin widened. Riku was right; married fucking was the best kind. He'd figure that out eventually. But forget about that, because right now, with Kairi and a pommel horse before him...

Nothing else mattered.


End file.
